Human beings can be described as a system of parts (i.e., aspects, states, etc.) - parts that we're born with and parts that develop over time. When life is good enough, our internal system may develop in such a way that all parts of self are able to work together naturally and intuitively, with no major internal conflict. All too often, people have experiences that disrupt this natural tendency toward internal cohesion and collaboration. Parts work is a way to help people come to know their whole selves, work through internal, often unconscious barriers, and achieve a sense of peace and wholeness within themselves.
Some people are resourced enough to “go inside” quite easily and help whatever parts need help. Perhaps it’s a work part that’s feeling overwhelmed and needs help setting boundaries. Perhaps it’s a child part that’s feeling scared or alone and needs to feel loved and protected. If you, like many if not most people, can’t instantly identify and attend in a helpful way to parts inside that are struggling, you may need to start by connecting with strengths. And there are lots of creative ways to do this!
You may start by reflecting on things that feel like they would be helpful. If I were only stronger. Or wiser. More independent. More loved. More understood. Make a list on paper or in your head (sometimes putting things on paper helps with grounding and perspective). You may also try drawing to see what develops. Or walking, dancing, or some other movement that supports creative flow. The key is to focus on what would be helpful.
Once you’ve identified some strengths that could be helpful, choose the one that feels most important and accessible in your current circumstance. By accessible, I mean something you can imagine feeling. If I can’t imagine feeling loved, or it doesn’t seem safe to allow myself to feel loved, that’s probably not the best place to start even if some part of me absolutely needs that. I should have a felt sense that it’s okay to access whatever strength I’m looking for, even if only in my imagination.
Having chosen a strength that you’d like to access, imagine a time, a person, or an entity that represents that for you. We’ve all had experiences and people in our lives that were more good than bad, but still bring up mixed emotions. Let those move aside during this exercise, just to keep things as simple as possible for the moment. Don’t worry about external reality during this exercise. So much of what we fear exists only in our imagination, and fear can certainly have great power. There’s no reason that our imagination can’t be equally powerful in ways that feel good.
If it feels right to be quiet and still during this exercise, you may sit or lie in a comfortable position and let an image of this strength develop in your mind’s eye. Perhaps I’d like to connect with strength and the idea of a warrior comes to mind. I can let that image develop, complete with details about how she looks and the environment in which she feels most at home. As that image starts to become clear, I notice how I feel as I focus on that warrior. If there’s no image but some other sense of strength, go with that. As long as the feeling is good or neutral, I can just meditate on the image/sense, or perhaps even invite some interaction with the warrior in my imagination. I may add some bilateral stimulation to support my connection with this strength. I can cross my arms over my chest and gently tap one arm and then the other while maintaining focus on the warrior, or rest my hands on my lap and tap the outside of my thighs. If you have experience with EMDR therapy, you may recognize this bilateral stimulation as a mechanism to support internal connection.
A different approach to connect with strengths is the empty chair technique that may be familiar if you’ve done Psychodrama or Gestalt therapy. With this approach, I imagine a place where I could engage with my resource in a helpful way and set up two chairs, one for each of us. I can use pillows or stuffed animals or any other objects that differentiate myself from the resource I’m working to access. It doesn’t have to be chairs, but it’s helpful to have physical objects as external representations. I invite my strength (the warrior) to sit across from me and I communicate my intention for this exercise: “I’d like to know how to find you when I need you.” Or “I’d like to know how you would handle this situation.” Or “I’d just like to know more about you.” I then reverse chairs so that I’m physically putting myself into the role of the warrior. I absorb what I’ve heard as the warrior and respond as the warrior. I may reverse back and forth a few times to deepen or expand on the experience, but I always want to finish in the chair where I started and “de-role” whatever chairs or other objects I enlisted so that I can absorb and take with me whatever is helpful from the experience. “This chair is not me and that chair is not the warrior.”
If I’m utilizing my own past experience as a resource in either of the exercises above, I would start by recalling a time that I felt strong (or whatever resource I’m seeking), and then enlist the version of me from that experience to be present with and/or communicate with me in my current state. Many people find it helpful to do this kind of work with a therapist or other trusted guide, either individually or in a group setting, so that there is external support and witnessing of the experience.
Because parts work can go quite deep very quickly, it also has the potential to be very activating. In my opinion, if it’s not good or neutral for every part of you, then it’s not good for any part of you. Bear in mind, sometimes good is painful. If I’ve broken my arm, it’s good to get it set even though it hurts. At the same time, if my arm is broken and I’m bleeding from an open wound, it may make sense to stop the bleeding before I worry about tending to the broken arm. Pacing is important. Connecting with strengths and resources is often the most effective way to start parts work. Once I have enough access to the internal resources that help me to know when I am safe, and to feel safe when I am safe, it becomes much easier to work through whatever I carry inside that makes it difficult to be and feel good in the present.